Movie Review – Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Been a busy bee as of late with multiple movie screenings, reviews and even some podcast work going on.  So here is a review for the latest Percy Jackson flick that I did for the fine folks at Lost In Reviews.  Suffice to say, I wouldn’t bother with it personally.  Enjoy!

There is really only like two monsters in the Sea of Monsters, which I guess does fulfill the plural form of Monsters, but I was hoping for like… a sea of them.  You know?  Anyways that is the sort of unfulfilled expectations that you will get with this sequel to the 2010 Chris Columbus directed Percy Jackson and The Lightning ThiefPercy Jackson: Sea of Monsters tries to continue idolizing the Harry Potter franchise, but will most likely end up being lost in the history books like the Titans who took on the Gods of old.

Click here to read the full review..

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Movie Review – The Lone Ranger

When you have a Armie Hammer, everything looks like a nail.

That sentence has nothing to do with the movie itself, but I guess The Lone Ranger itself doesn’t have anything to do with The Lone Ranger of the past.  Yes, the inevitable mining of intellectual properties by Hollywood has led to them resurrecting The Lone Ranger himself into a modern day blockbuster filled with Johnny Depp, action, Johnny Depp, more extraneous action and did I mention, Johnny Depp.  The Hollywood juggernauts behind the Pirates series decide that the American Western needs more Jack Sparrow and ridiculous run times to the proceedings to make it palpable for the current film going public.  Let me just say this right off the bat, this cowboy should have rode off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

Lone Ranger 1b

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Movie of the Day – Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Well another summer movie season means another event film released to the masses.  If you aren’t familiar with the term”event film” well let us say that it is the most hotly contested, eagerly awaited movie of the summer.  While Transformers 3 may not be “the” event film of the summer, it is surely one of the largest releases of the year next to the final Harry Potter movie.  Transformers has had a storied career, with a stellar first release and then the terrible, almost downright offensive second film “Revenge of the Fallen”, there is a lot of scorn and intrigue that the third installment of the robots in disguise series has for fans.

In some ways we know what to expect with the third movie.  More explosions, more action, more everything, and in some ways that is a good and bad thing.  I will admit, I liked the first movie, a lot even.  It had robots wrecking shit, robots transforming, an interesting relationship between a boy and his car, and Peter Cullen bring my childhood to life with his reprisal of Optimus Prime.  I will ignore the scenery chewing acting, yawn inducing actors Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, and the juvenile mentality of Michael Bay.  I got a solid action movie that was entertaining and brought to life something as children, we have only seen in cartoons.  The second movie, crushed my childhood.  The action scenes were a mess, you couldn’t tell what was happening, LaBeouf and Fox were annoying again, the characters from the previous movie are now stereotypes and caricatures of their previous incarnation and even more adolescent fantasies of how women are portrayed in movies and racists looking robots.  It was like he polled a group of 12-year-old kids, sharing a copy of Maxim magazine and drinking Mountain Dew, about what they want in the next movie.  It was atrocious to say the least.

So now we come to the third installment of the series.  At a staggering two and a half hours, I knew I was in for a long, action packed, 3-D film.  I am interested in whether Bay was able to learn from his mistakes of the second movie and deliver us a better paced, action filled, all thrill no frill movie.  Well with a Lord of the Rings like running time, it damn well better deliver.

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Movie of the Day – Hercules in New York

It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger in his first movie ever!  Yes the multi-award winning Mr. Olympia finally gets to have his day on film with one of the dumbest and amazing, best worst movie ever.  Yes, Hercules in New York or as it is also known as, Hercules goes Bananas, has the giant muscled Austrian being typecast as a muscle bound Hercules who is cast out of Mount Olympus and runs amok in New York with some of the cheesiest fight scenes and atrocious dialogue ever.  Every actor has to start somewhere and for Arnold, this is where it all began.

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Movie of the Day – Ator The Fighting Eagle

What if I told you that Europe has its own Conan the Barbarian series?  What if I told you this series was mildly successful enough that it warranted three additional sequels to its name?  What if I also told you that each of the films in the series were also as ridiculous and cheesy as the original Ator?  Well folks, thanks to the Italians and the success of Conan the Barbarian that one faithful month in 1982, the Italians decided they needed to cash in on the who swords and sorcery game with their answer Conan.  What we got is nothing short of terrible, but truly amazing z-movie knock-offs.

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Movie of the Day – Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

I wanted to re-up this old, old review of this movie for today, mainly cause I am going to be hosting a small little gathering at my place in which we watch Harry Potter movies and drink Harry Potter inspired cocktails.  Yeah, that’s about the best thing in the world in my eyes, watching a great series (or whatever we manage to get through) and drinking alcohol.  Probably one of the reasons why I work at the Drafthouse.  Anyways, when I was going back through my old reviews for the site, which I promise myself I will be writing more as I go out to the theater a lot more, I am rather shocked by the sheer length of my reviews.  Man I was relatively verbose back then and probably still am.  Oh well.

Well today’s post is the final chapter of the series and in my eyes, a very fitting end to the franchise.  I could do without the prologue in which the kids dress up as adults cause that took me right out of the ending itself, but a climatic battle scene, wizard on wizard action and a culmination of years of setup and story to get to the final showdown.  Yeah, I can say that it is one of the best of the series and the most compelling with the stakes laid out on the table. 

So enjoy my original, long ass review and have a good day,

The final chapter in the series ends where it all began over a decade ago.  There is a lot invested in the final film of the series.  All the characters, all the stories, and all the buildup to the end is laid out for us in Part 2 of the Deathly Hallows.  I have been a fan of the series since the beginning and seeing this general progression in the series tone and subject matter is fascinating.  I have watch the characters grow older, the tone grow darker and that slow push to the final confrontation is what we have all been waiting for.  So does the final act of the series live up to the build up that audiences have been waiting a decade to see?  If you read the book series, then you already know what to expect.  For fans of the film, it is about having a solid closure to the series.  Overused phrase up ahead…lets make magic!

Full review here.

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Movie of the Day – Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn

This isn’t so much a movie as it is a web series that makes us yearn for this to be made into a movie.  Sometimes, this is all we are going to get and we better like it.  The Halo series is, I better tread lightly here so as not to offend fanboys and arm-chair warriors of the internet, a great series.  I remember many a lan parties where I would get together with friends and play pistols on Hang Em High or whatever other maps there were.  I remember the story of Halo, right up till I stopped playing after Halo 3.  Sure some will decry that I am not a true fan to give this movie a fair shake or be well versed to accurately talk about the series itself as anything Halo means the legion of fanboys come out to defend it.  Well they can screw off as my movie of the day post is more about bringing attention to some stuff I like to watch and this certainly was one of them.  It makes me wish that an actual Halo movie be made, but that probably won’t happen.  So enjoy the series and see what there is after the jump.

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Movie of the Day – The Rundown

It’s The Rock!  Holla!  Christopher Walken is also in this movie as well as the scene chewing villain of the movie, which is the primary reason I picked this movie for today.  The Rundown is actually one of my more enjoyable, not really a guilty pleasure, but a movie that is really just a popcorn flick and that is all.  It does manage to have a little of everything in it with some drama, lots of comedy, and pretty decent action sequences, that are a bit too cartoony in some instances.  But hey, it’s still a great movie to sit back and watch The Rock, Walken, William Scott and Dawson do their thing.

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Movie of the Day – Dragonheart

This is pretty much a SyFy television movie should look like.  Don’t get me wrong, I love shitty SyFy original movies, but man, Dragonheart is like the movie they should have made cause it is both ridiculous and highly enjoyable.  I remember checking out this movie in the theater when I was like 11 and to tell you the truth, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world.  IT HAD FUCKING DRAGONS!  I mean IT HAD A DRAGON!  Plus Quaid just chewing up the scenery and Sean Connery lending his voice talent to bring that dragon to life with a Scottish accent.  So damn awesome.

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Movie of the Day – Point Break

So apparently by the amount of talk on twitter and facebook posts, Point Break is going to officially be remade for a modern audience.  Now I am always there to basically deride Hollywood of the fact that they don’t have any creativity anymore.  Believe me, I am no less thrilled about the latest remake than the next person and I await the day when they decide to remake a movie that is less than a year old.  Well I decided that I should commit to memory and this blog, a movie of the day post about one of my favorite action films out there.

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