Movie of the Day – Kiltro

After going over Duel to the Death and that amazing ending battle between the two swordsmen, I decided to go back through my Netflix recommendations and past movies I have watched that were martial arts related and discovered a movie that I watched a few years ago.  It was a movie that some might think of as forgettable or a one and done sort of movie.  I instantly recalled this Chilean martial arts film from 2006 and was rather wowed by what I saw.  Kiltro is a gem amongst the roughage of martial arts movies, coming from a country that we don’t even associate with martial arts or action films, that is of course if you are one of those people that consumer South American cinema.  I am certainly not that sort of person, but hell, I will give it a shot if there are more flashy movies like Kiltro for the kung fu, martial arts movie enthusiasts.

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Movie of the Day – Duel to the Death

I have not had the pleasure of reviewing a kung fu, martial arts movie in some time and today folks I bring you utter fucking gold.  Duel to the Death is by far an away, an over the top slash fest of amazing proportions in that there is nothing but utter madness taking place in this movie.  Let me give a quick rundown on the highlights of this movie:  You got two master swordsmen battling one another to see who is the best, ninjas out the ass, kamikaze ninjas, ninjas that turn into voltron, ninjas who take the shape of one large ninja, ninjas who who fucking rain down an ungodly amount of ninja stars and oh yeah, did I mean one of the best sword battles ever.  Ninja Ninja Ninja!

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Movie of the Day – The Day After Tomorrow

Well the snow storm Rocky came and surprisingly it wasn’t that bad.  I mean yeah my dog gets lost in the snow drifts that are currently sitting in my backyard, but he’s a dog and he liked jumping around in them.  Although snow storm did look cool for the time it was happening, it was made better by my hate watching of The Day After Tomorrow, a movie that is so grandiose and bad, that I actually enjoy the large scale, global destruction cause Roland Emmerich is the fucking Picasso of end of the world movies.  Oh yeah, it’s time for a global scare.

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Movie of the Day – Rocky IV (Snow Day Edition)

Well folks, Kansas is yet again in the cross hairs of another massive snow storm that is going to barrel through our area here in the next few hours.  Just less than 4 days ago we suffered through a State of Emergenct snow storm from Blizzard Q or whatever it was called, which dumped about 12 inches of snow on our area.  Tonight and tomorrow, Snow Storm Rocky is going beat us like he did all Ivan Drago back in Rocky IV.  So I thought that this would be an awesome time to revisit one of the best movies around, with the best montage around, in the snowiest region of Russia.  We are expecting about 12 inches again this evening, so this should provide me with ample snow to get my training on.  ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY!!!!

Stallone is back as Rocky Balboa, the heavyweight champion of the world and now good friend of his one-time nemesis, Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Creed is brutally slaughtered in the boxing ring during a lop-sided exhibition match against the superhuman Russian boxer Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren), an event that Rocky takes personally. Vowing revenge against Drago in the name of Creed and the United States, Rocky is invited to the Soviet Union for a matchup and hires Creed’s former manager (Tony Burton) to get him in shape. While Drago trains using the latest technology, Rocky’s ascetic preparations are a low-key affair of carrying logs up hills through knee-deep Russian snow. ~ Karl Williams, Rovi

This is easily the best in the Rocky series, leaps and bounds ahead of the atrocious Rocky V and to be honest, it was great to see Rocky take the Fist of Freedom to those Russian dogs.  Everything about this movie is just amped up to the max in terms of the stakes.  Apollo Creed was destroyed in an exhibition match, which an exhibition match in Russia is a fight to the death.  Someone should have really gotten a translator to clear this up, but I would have saw that as a declaration of war on the part of the Russians.  So having to come out and avenge his fallen hetero life mate, Rocky decides to show them that Communism doesn’t produce shit and destroy Ivan Drago. So what better way to show American Brawn than by defeating Drago on Jesus’ Birthday on Russian soil.  AMERICA!!!!!!

One of things I love about this movie, other than watching Stallone box for freedom, is the montages.  This movie managed to squeeze in two montages that pretty much solidify the movies greatness in the pantheon of movies.  Tracked with the latest pop-synth compilation from some artist, the montages are seriously one of the best aspects of the movie.  Here is montage number one:

Are you shitting me?!  That is one of the most deep and profound montages I have ever witnessed.  You would think if he had all that shit running through his head that he could cause a massive wreck when driving around.  I don’t even like to fuck around with the radio in the car because it could cause too much turmoil in my mind, thus causing me to wreck.  Most people take a drive to clear their head of difficult decisions like “what bills to pay first” or “where am I going dump this body”.  Stallone takes the time to reflect on the past three movies and figure out how to destroy Communism all in the process.  I guess life’s little problems can all be solved with a sweet 80s soundtrack and a lot of jump cuts.

The final montage which they had to show, cause I mean how else can you explain Rocky defeating Dargo in his home country?  This is the montage to end all montages:

This montage was so long that they had to put two songs in the montage just so they didn’t have dead air while Rocky was chopping wood and out running the KGB.  I love this montage just for the sheer absurdity of the acts that takes place between the two different training methods.  Apparently Russia decided to put all their defense funds into this NASA like training center for Ivan Drago complete with a track course with installed punching bags throughout the ring.  That had to cost a lot of money since that is not regulation.  Then you get to see the typical computers with numerous lights since they decided to base their technology off of old Star Trek shows.  Those devious bastards even inject Drago with steroids, possibly made from chemicals at the Chernobyl site.

Now Rocky’s training consist of him being transported back to the 1800’s where the only way to work out was doing manual labor.  I half expected him to just start chewing tree trunks in order to bring it down.  But this shows the key point between American and Russian training, in that America doesn’t need it’s industrial and technological might to beat some ass.  All you need are a group of trainers, one black guy to nod at you in approval when you lifted those rocks well and then finish your training with run up a mountain.  Let me say that again, HE FINISHES HIS TRAINING BY RUNNING UP A MOUNTAIN.  The dudes from The Lord of the Rings couldn’t even scale a mountain and Rocky did that while evading the damn KGB agents that are ineffective in cold weather.

The final is one for the ages and the only appropriate gift one can give Jesus on his special day.  I am talking about ending the Cold War.  What did you get your wife for Christmas?  A stupid necklace, hahahaha.  Rocky have Adrian and America the end of the cold war.  They might as well have just started placing “Made in America” stickers all over the arena since we owned that shit.  Sales of American flags went up by 1000% in Russia and not because they were going to burn them.

This is one of the ultimate Christmas movies that you could ever watch.  I mean it has it all in terms of montages, boxing and Christmas spirit.

Movie of the Day – Chasing Ghosts: Beyond The Arcade

Now I don’t particularly remember the good old days of the local arcades.  The quarter pumping classics that lined the side walls of many roller rinks, mall outlets or even the lone system at the pizza parlor.  I grew up in the time of Nintendo and Sega, the home consoles being my general outlet for gaming, but there were places where you could go to be transported back to the time when the only noises were the bleeps from the machine and the constant pounding of buttons from players trying to beat the high score.  I always liked going to my arcade from time to time and playing Street Fighter or the latest, epileptic seizure inducing game, but something about old school arcade games are really the most trying of the games.  They tested your skills and were truly agonizing in terms of satisfaction.  Damn those are good games.

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Movie of the Day – Truck Turner

Sweet Lord that trailer is just pure machismo with Isaac Hayes running the show.  I am taking another trip down the exploitation road to bring us this solid blaxploitation film to you the readers.  This time we got the Mac Truck bounty hunter himself, Truck Turner, laying down both the justice and pipe to the ladies, that is when he has the free time.  It’s a pure exploitation film with bounty hunters, pimps, hoes, villains, and a killer soundtrack.  Don’t get in the way of this Truck baby.

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Movie of the Day – The Island President

Today will be my previous review of one of my favorite documentaries of 2012, The Island President.  A documentary that chronicled the crisis of global warming by putting a face to the crisis, an island nation that is slowly being wiped off the map because of rising sea waters.  The Island President is a chronicling of a the monumental task at tackling a global problem by what some would consider to be the little guy in the fight.  A small island nation that becomes the driving force behind a global initiative, challenging the large, industrial nations to make a change or face the fate that they are currently facing.  It was an incredible documentary that was both serene and captivating at the effects that global warming is having.  Finally showing the consequences of our development in a bustling industrial age.

The Island President makes you care about what happens to the Maldives and Nasheed’s vision for a country who is on the brink of disappearing.  An island paradise of white, sandy beaches and dotted with the reminder of past indiscretions from a leader who did everything to oppose democracy and change.  Nasheed’s story and that of the island, is the true reason to see this documentary.  You will know more about this country leaving the theater than you did before you entered it.  A fast paced film with moments of stoppage from the more weighted political bantering that seems to be a parallel to the slowness of change itself.  But you will feel uplifted and involved in the climate debate when you see firsthand, those that are fighting to survive.

Click here for the full review.

Island President

Movie of the Day – Snow Day

Well it was one hell of a snow storm, enough to declare a state of emergency for Kansas City, but not enough for work to basically just outright cancel work for the day.  So I was deprived of a Snow Day, along with having to drive in the slush of the morning, shovel myself out of the parking lot with a foot of snow on the ground and then drive home, white knuckling it the whole way.  So yeah, I am tired, I am shoveling lots of snow and debating if I am even going to remotely attempt going to work tomorrow.  For the time being, I want a Snow Day and this is the best we will get.  Safety of workers be damned.

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Movie of the Day – March of the Penguins

So apparently given the vast amount of news reports, weather reports and seeing the chaos that was happening at the market this evening, Kansas is going to get a little snow storm.  This isn’t just any snow storm, but a snowmagedon, which is what they said about the last snow storm we got and the exact same panic happened.  I will never understand this state and the fact that they forget this happens often and we all are inconvenienced for one fucking day before the roads are OK to drive on again.  By the sheer panic and empty shelves, I guess 8-10 inches of snow is something to worry, but then again the city worried when there was 6-8 inches of snow.  Sigh.

To alleviate the fears of all those in the Midwest feeling the chill of a winter storm, maybe a movie involving penguins enduring the harsh, bitter terrain of Antarctica will cheer everyone up.  Also it doesn’t hurt that Morgan Freeman narrating this documentary with his soothing voice of reassurance and comfort.  I could listen to that man read the US Tax Code for hours and it would be exciting.

So no real post this evening as there isn’t terribly much to say about a documentary that covers the migration of the Emperor Penguins and their general cuteness.  It is well shot and calmingly beautiful to behold.  A pure cinematic experience of a majestic scale that is strangely compelling with their tuxedo clad penguins.  Damn they are cute.

Also man up Midwest, we will get through this snow.  Those penguins have it harder than us.

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Movie of the Day – The Toxic Avenger

In my last post, I talked about Poultrygeist and how it was going to be part of a double feature with Mr. Lloyd Kaufman at our local Alamo Drafthouse.  As nutty and shit house insane that movie was, the Troma is well versed in the absurd as The Toxic Avenger is the ultimate flagship property and mascot of a company that deals in exploitative schlock.  And this movie also happens to be part of the Double Feature so why not cover it as well.

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