Shit Movie of the Day – Barb Wire

I am a simple man when it comes to movies.  Sometimes I prefer a deep, thought provoking film that challenges me as a viewer.  Other times I prefer a movie that is just tits, guns, explosions, mindless action, something worthwhile and entertaining.  I don’t mind pandering a bit, but then again I enjoy the absurdity of some movies.  So I wonder why it took me so long to finally watch Barb Wire for the first time since its release back in 1996.  Well after watching the movie, I can see the clear distinction as to why I have never watched it.

Set in the year 2017, Barb Wire takes place after democracy has fallen and a fascist military junta has taken over the U.S. government, plotting to wipe out the country with Red Ribbon, a laboratory-manufactured disease derived from the AIDS virus. The entire test city of Topeka has been annihilated, and only the small bastion of Steel Harbor remains the last free zone in the country, conveniently the home of the title heroine Pamela Lee. Barb, a leather-clad, silicon-stretched motorcycle mama, happens to carry antibodies for Red Ribbon in her DNA, thus making her an enemy of the state. She sets out to defend freedom and take down the evil government by posing as a stripper and seducing foolish male adversaries with her well-displayed assets. The plot thickens as she happens upon her freedom-fighter ex-lover and his wife. ~ Jeremy Beday, Rovi

Alright, I have one big glaring complaint of the movie, maybe more several more, that just absolutely made my eyes roll so hard into the back of my head.  This movie, the characters, setup, scene, and story, all of this is just one big Casablanca remake.  Remake, retelling, homage, whatever, Barb Wire is just Casablanca done by like a 15 year old who watched Casablanca and Bay Watch for the first time and thought both would make a good movie.  So I had to sit and stew about this revelation for 60 more minutes when I figured it out 30 minutes into the movie.

I can only think of two reasons why this got made and both are attached to Pamela Anderson.  Boob joke, heyo!  This is the only reason this got made was so that they can get her and her ridiculous measurements into leather outfits and various corsets.  I mean the costume changes in the movie are just excuses to get her out of clothes from one audacious outfit to a smaller, tighter outfit.  That’s it!  The movie’s wardrobe is just a series of different colored corsets.  She even says something to the effect of “let me slip into something more comfortable” which she just changes into a tighter corset.  What the fuck.

Oh and for all the cleavage and almost nude scenes, she doesn’t get naked once on screen or if she does, it’s super brief.  I am not saying that I want her breasts out there the whole time.  It certainly would have detracted from this shitty Casablanca remake, but you have Pamela Anderson at her, we’ll say prime, pinnacle and she doesn’t get nude.  Everyone has seen her naked and possibly have seen her have sex on camera in that infamous sex tape, so why the gigantic tease?  I mean the demographic for this are males, unless they were hoping that a strong, leather clad buxom vixen will bring in the big bucks.

Gosh, I haven’t even begun to touch on the acting or movie in general.  For that I am sorry, but lets just say the acting is about on par with an episode of Baywatch.  That is it.  Pam’s line delivery seems like someone is telling her lines through an ear piece and action sequences are just about as laughable since we are seeing Barb basically spin kick her heart out in the most flexible leather pants ever.  Everything is just so obnoxious and unbearable that it makes the fact that this is Casablanca even more annoying.  I honestly wanted to check out of this movie at the 30 minute mark and just watch anything else at this point.  No amount of ludicrous cleavage could make this movie watchable.

About Nick
I am just another blogger putting his thoughts into a website. My love is movies so most of my musings will be movie related. I work as an online marketer for an advertising company and when I am not earning a paycheck, I moonlight as a vigilante film blogger.

9 Responses to Shit Movie of the Day – Barb Wire

  1. lilithspeak says:

    Hahahaha! I’d forgotten about Barb Wire!

    • Nick says:

      I almost forgot about this movie as well until it came up from several people that I should review it. I do recall back in the 90s when my youth was spent at a comic book shop that this was heavily marketed to the young males who congregated there.

    • Nick says:

      Thank you! Hopefully you will come back and read more of my horrible movie watching posts.

      • I will! You’re giving me a lot of ideas on which movies to review for my blog…although I might give ‘Barb Wire’ a miss. Also, great choice with ‘The Monster Squad’ earlier. That and ‘The Goonies’ sum up my childhood movie experiences pretty well.

  2. mistylayne says:

    I think the only thing I’ve ever seen Pam Anderson in is Baywatch. This sounds scary…

    • Nick says:

      Oh Baywatch, a perfect excuse to see women running in slow motion and in bathing suits. Anyways, I remember this movie being a big deal at some of the comic book stores I went to, mainly cause it was Pam Anderson in leather corsets and it was based on a shitty comic book that they could get male adolescents to go to.

      Also the movie is not even enjoyable on a campy level, which is the worst part.

      • mistylayne says:

        I just remember that being one of the only shows I watched growing up (only had three channels though so you know, not a lot of variety). And yeah, I was thinking it was based off a comic.

      • Nick says:

        That’s fine quality programming right there. 🙂 I remember this show and another one she had after Barb Wire was released called VIP. It was so bad. Yeah the Barb Wire comics weren’t anything special. Kind of the hey day of comics that focused on boobs and guns which gave comic book readers the unfair characteristic/stereotype of being nerdy adolescents.

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